What am I doing this week?

Feels like such an incredibly unimportant question to ask when it seems like the world around us is drastically changing. So much happening, and for some it can feel as if one is just a small bystander. Watching history being made but unsure of how to help make it.

For me, I see it all and had to take a step back. Anxiety, PTSD, and depression flaring up bringing back memories which include violence against me simply because I am female. I signed petitions and shared media, then left my computer. For three days I lay in bed, unable to wrap my mind around much of anything. My body shutting down as I went through the motions of living. The forth day it occurred to me that as a human I am capable of choice, even on the days my body gives very little. So I asked myself, what am I going to do today?

Now feeling a bit better, still staying off of social media for the most part but supporting from a distance, I ask what am I doing this week.

The answer was simple, I am going to stay alive, game and write. These three things require my mind, my body and my emotions but they also require that I learn, heal and grow. How can I be a good ally or friend or even person if I refuse to do these three supposedly simple things?

The answer is…I can’t. If I refuse to learn, I choose ignorance. When I refuse to heal, I cause pain to myself and others, and if I refuse to grow then I am stagnant. Little more then a place for pond scum to dwell. So to be better, to want more and to get to a place where I can do more to support. I must apply myself and continue to do so.

So this week I shall stay alive, game and write. In turn choosing to learn, heal and grow through various media and sharing the lessons.

And now I leave with an abrupt end, I wish you well.